I could lose to the Stormtrooper. I could lose to the guy who had battle droids blowing up mailboxes. But no, I lost to this kid from Ohio. I had tattoos, he had a wall. I had a collection, he didn’t know the lines of the movies. I fucking LIVE for Star Wars, he lives to complain about reality TV.
My friends have various theories. Some think being 18 he was able to get an entire high school of thousands of students to vote for him. Some think that to America at large an 18 year old kid is “cuter” than a 30 year old man. Some think that maybe I was too extreme for middle America with my wedding and my tattoos. Some think he cheated and voted for himself constantly (Access Hollywood claims it only counted each vote once, but there is no way to validate this). Lastly, some people think the judges decided the top 5 and just didn’t pick me.
Me, I just believe I lost and whatever the excuse people can come up with to comfort me, I lost.
To be honest I was devastated that afternoon. I could not recognize how cool it was to be on national TV and to be in the top 10, I just couldn’t believe I lost to this 18 year old with far too full a beard. I was pissed. Laser tattoo removal was researched and the idea of selling my entire collection was toyed with. After all, if this freaking kid who doesn’t know crap is considered to be more “ultimate” than I am, what was I doing this for? At my local Toys R Us the manager sees me and yells “Hey, Mr. Star Wars!” but this kid beat me out. How? Why?